Your pig fiancé is too late.
A few more steps, and weīll be safe in the Fire Swamp.
Weīll never survive.
Nonsense! You only say that because no one ever has.
ltīs not that bad.
līm not saying līd like to build a summer home here...
but the trees are actually quite lovely.
Well, now, that was an adventure.
Singed a bit, were you?
You?
One thing l will say...
the fire swamp certainly does keep you on your toes.
This will all soon be but a happy memory...
because Robertsī ship Revenge is anchored at the far end...
and l, as you know, am Roberts.
How is that possible...
since heīs been marauding twenty years...
and you only left me five years ago?
l myself am often surprised at lifeīs little quirks.
What l told you before about saying please was true.
lt intrigued Roberts...
as did my description of your beauty.
Finally, Roberts decided something.
He said, ``All right, Westley, līve never had a valet.
``You can try it for tonight.
``līll most likely kill you in the morning.``
Three years he said that.
``Good night, Westley, good work. Sleep well.
``līll most likely kill you in the morning.``
lt was a fine time for me.
l was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me.
And Roberts and l eventually became friends...
and then it happened.
What? Go on.
Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire...
so he took me to his cabin and told me his secret.
``l am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,`` he said.
``My name is Ryan.
``l inherited the ship from the previous Roberts...
``just as you will inherit it from me.
``The man l inherited it from wasnīt the real Roberts, either.
``His name was Cumberbund.
``The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years...
``and living like a king.`` Thank you.
Then he explained the name was the important thing...
for inspiring the necessary fear.
You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.
So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew.
And he stayed aboard for a while as first mate...
all the time calling me Roberts.
Once the crew believed, he left the ship...
and l have been Roberts ever since.
Except, now that weīre together...
l shall retire and hand the name over to someone else.
ls everything clear to you?
Weīll never succeed.
We may as well die here.
No, we have already succeeded.
l mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp?
One, the flame spurt. No problem.
Thereīs a popping sound preceding each.
We can avoid that.
Two, the lightning sand.
But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like...
so in the future, we can avoid that, too.
Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.s?
Rodents of Unusual Size?
l donīt think they exist.
We did it.
Now, was that so terrible?
Surrender!
You mean you wish to surrender to me?
Very well. l accept.
l give you full marks for bravery.
Donīt make yourself a fool.
But how will you capture us?
We know the secrets of the Fire Swamp.
We can live there quite happily for some time...
so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.
l tell you once again, surrender!
lt will not happen.
For the last time, surrender!
Death first!
Will you promise not to hurt him?!
-What was that? -What was that?
lf we surrender and l return with you...
will you promise not to hurt this man?
May l live a thousand years and never hunt again.
He is a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge.
Promise to return him to his ship.
l swear it will be done.
Once weīre out of sight, take him back to Florin...
and throw him in the Pit of Despair.
l swear it will be done.
l thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me.
l could not bear it if you died again...
not when l could save you.
Come, sir.
We must get you to your ship.
We are men of action.
Lies do not become us.
Well spoken, sir.
What is it?
You have six fingers on your right hand.
Someone was looking for you.
Where am l?
The Pit of Despair.
Donīt even think--
Donīt even think about trying to escape.
The chains are far too thick.
And donīt dream of being rescued, either.
The only way in is secret.
Only the prince, the count, and l...
know how to get in and out.
Then līm here till l die?
Till they kill you, yeah.
Then why bother curing me?
The prince and count insist on everyone being healthy...
before theyīre broken.
So itīs to be torture.
l can cope with torture.
You donīt believe me?
You survived the Fire Swamp.
You must be very brave...
but nobody withstands the Machine.
Sheīs been like that ever since the Fire Swamp.
ltīs my fatherīs failing health thatīs upsetting her.
Of course.
The king died that very night...
and before the following dawn...
Buttercup and Humperdinck were married.
And at noon, she met her subjects again...
this time, as their queen.
My fatherīs final words were--
Hold it! Hold it, Grandpa.
You read that wrong.
She doesnīt marry Humperdinck. She marries Westley.
līm just sure of it.
After all that Westley did for her...
if she didnīt marry him, it wouldnīt be fair.
Who says life is fair?
Where is that written?
Life isnīt always fair.
līm telling you, youīre messing up the story!
Now, get it right!
Do you want me to go on with this?
All right, then, no more interruptions.
``At noon, she met her subjects again...
this time, as their queen.``
My fatherīs final words were...
``Love her as l loved her, and there will be joy.``
l present to you your queen!
Queen Buttercup!
Why do you do this?
You had love in your hands, and you gave it up!
They would have killed Westley if l hadnīt done it.
Your true love lives, and you marry another!
True love saved her in the Fire Swamp...
and she treated it like garbage!
And thatīs what she is-- the Queen of Refuse!
So bow down to her if you want! Bow to her!
Bow to the Queen of Slime!
The Queen of Filth!
The Queen of Putrescence!
Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck!
lt was ten days till the wedding.
The king still lived.
But Buttercupīs nightmares were growing steadily worse.
See? Didnīt l say sheīd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?
Yes, youīre very smart. Shut up.
lt comes to this.
l love Westley. l always have.
l know now l always will.
lf you tell me l must marry you in ten days...
please believe l will be dead by morning.
l could never cause you grief.
Consider our wedding off.
You returned this...
Westley to his ship?
Then we will simply alert him.
Beloved...are you certain he still wants you?
After all, it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp.
Not to mention that pirates are not known as men of their words.
My Westley will always come for me.
l suggest a deal.
You write four copies of a letter.
līll send my four fastest ships, one in each direction.
The Dread Pirate Roberts...
is always close to Florin this time of year.
Weīll run up the white flag and deliver your message.
lf Westley wants you, bless you both.
lf not...
please consider me as an alternative to suicide.
Are we agreed?
Your princess is really quite a winning creature.
A trifle simple, perhaps, but her appeal is undeniable.
l know. The people are quite taken with her.
ltīs odd, but when l hired Vizzini...
to have her murdered on our engagement day...
l thought that was clever.
But itīs going to be so much more moving...
when l strangle her on our wedding night.
Once Guilder is blamed...
the nation will be truly outraged.
Theyīll demand we go to war.
Now, where is that secret knot?
ltīs impossible to find.
Are you coming down into the pit?
Westleyīs got his strength back.
līm starting him on the Machine tonight.
Tyrone, you know how much l love watching you work...
but līve got my countryīs 500th anniversary to plan...
my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder...
and Guilder to frame for it. līm swamped.
Get some rest.
lf you havenīt got your health, you havenīt got anything.
Beautiful, isnīt it?
lt took me half a lifetime to invent it.
līm sure youīve discovered...
my deep and abiding interest in pain.
At present, līm writing the definitive work...
on the subject.
So l want you to be totally honest with me...
on how the Machine makes you feel.
This being our first try, līll use the lowest setting.
As you know, the concept of the suction pump...
is centuries old.
Well, really, thatīs all this is.
Except that, instead of sucking water...
līm sucking life.
līve just sucked one year of your life away.
l might one day go as high as five...
but l really donīt know what that would do to you...
so letīs just start with what we have.
What did this do to you? Tell me.
And remember, this is for posterity...
so be honest.
How do you feel?
lnteresting.
Yellin.
Sire.
As chief enforcer of all Florin, l trust you with this secret.
Killers from Guilder...
are infiltrating the Thievesī Forest...
and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night.
My spy network has heard no such news.
Any word from Westley?
Too soon, my angel.
Patience.
He will come for me.
Of course.
She will not be murdered.
On the day of the wedding...
l want the Thievesī Forest emptied...
and every inhabitant arrested.
Many of the thieves will resist.
My regular enforcers will be inadequate.
Form a brute squad, then!
l want the Thievesī Forest emptied before l wed.
lt wonīt be easy, sire.
Try ruling the world sometime.
The day of the wedding arrived.
The brute squad had their hands full...
carrying out Humperdinckīs orders.
Up! Up! Up!
Come on! Come on!
-ls everybody out? -Almost.
Thereīs a Spaniard giving us some trouble.
Well, you give him some trouble.
Move.
l am waiting for you, Vizzini.
You told me to go back to the beginning, so l have.
This is where l am, and this is where līll stay.
l will not be moved.
Ho there!
l do not budge. Keep your ``ho there.``
The prince gave orders.
So did Vizzini.
When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning.
This is where we got the job, so itīs the beginning.
And l am staying till Vizzini come.
You brute, come here!
l am waiting for Vizzini.
You surely are a meanie.
ltīs you.
True.
You donīt look so good.
You donīt smell so good, either.
Perhaps not.
l feel fine.
Fezzik and lnigo were reunited.
As Fezzik nursed his inebriated friend back to health...
he told lnigo of Vizziniīs death...
and the existence of Count Rugen...
the six-fingered man.
Considering lnigoīs lifelong search...
he handled the news surprisingly well.
Fezzik took great care in reviving lnigo.
Thatīs enough!
Where is this Rugen now so l may kill him?
Heīs with the prince in the castle...
but the castle gate is guarded by thirty men.
How many could you handle?
l donīt think more than ten.
Leaving twenty for me.
At my best, l could never defeat that many.
l need Vizzini to plan. l have no gift for strategy.
But Vizzini is dead.
No. Not Vizzini.
l need the man in black.
What?
He bested you with strength, your greatness.
He bested me with steel.
He must have out-thought Vizzini.
A man who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day.
-Letīs go. -Where?
Find the man in black, obviously.
But you donīt know where he is.
Donīt bother me with trifles.
After twenty years, at last...
my fatherīs soul will be at peace.
There will be blood tonight!
Rise and report.
The Thievesī Forest is emptied.
Thirty men guard the castle gate.
Double it.
My princess must be safe.
The gate has but one key...
and l carry that.
My dulcet darling!
Tonight, we marry.
Tomorrow morning, your men will escort us to Florin Channel...
where every ship in my armada...
waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.
Every ship but your four fastest, you mean.
Every ship but the four you sent.
Yes, of course.
Naturally, not those four.
Your Majesties.
You never sent the ships.
Donīt bother lying.
lt doesnīt matter.
Westley will come for me, anyway.
Youīre a silly girl.
Yes, l am a silly girl...
for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward...
with a heart full of fear.
l would not say such things if l were you.
Why not? You canīt hurt me.
Westley and l are joined by the bonds of love...
and you cannot track that...
not with a thousand bloodhounds...
and you cannot break it...
not with a thousand swords.
And when l say you are a coward...
that is only because you are the slimiest weakling...
ever to crawl the earth.
l would not say such things if l were you!
You truly love each other...
and so you might have been truly happy.
Not one couple in a century has that chance...
no matter what the storybooks say.
So l think no man in a century...
will suffer as greatly as you will.
Not to fifty!
Listen. Do you hear?
That is the sound of ultimate suffering.
My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father.
The man in black makes it now.
The man in black?
His true love is marrying another tonight.
Who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?
Excuse me. Pardon me, itīs important.
Fezzik, please.
Everybody, move!
Thank you.
Where is the man in black?
You get there from this grove, yes?
Fezzik, jog his memory.
līm sorry, lnigo.
l didnīt mean to jog him so hard.
Father, l have failed you for twenty years.
Now our misery can end.
Somewhere...
somewhere close by is a man who can help us.
l cannot find him alone.
l need you.
l need you to guide my sword.
Please.
Guide my sword.
Heīs dead.
lt just is not fair.
Grandpa, wait!
Wait. What did Fezzik mean, ``Heīs dead``?
l mean, he didnīt mean dead.
Westleyīs only faking...right?
You want me to read this or not?
Who gets Humperdinck?
l donīt understand.
Who kills Prince Humperdinck at the end?
Somebodyīs got to do it.
ls it lnigo? Who?
Nobody. Nobody kills him.
He lives.
You mean he wins?
Jesus, Grandpa, what did you read me this thing for?
Youīve been very sick...
and youīre taking this story very seriously.
l think we ought to stop now.
No. līm OK.
Sit down. līm all right.
All right, now, letīs see, where were we?
ln the Pit of Despair.
We Montoyas have never taken defeat easily.
Come along, Fezzik. Bring the body.
The body?
Have you any money?
l have a little.
l just hope itīs enough to buy a miracle, thatīs all.
Go away!
What? What?
Are you the Miracle Max...
who worked for the king all those years?
The kingīs stinking son fired me.
And thank you for bringing up such a painful subject.
While youīre at it, why donīt you give me a nice paper cut...
and pour lemon juice on it?
Weīre closed!
Beat it, or līll call the brute squad.
līm on the brute squad.
You are the brute squad.
We need a miracle. ltīs very important.
Look, līm retired. And besides...
why would you want someone the kingīs stinking son fired?
l might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Heīs already dead.
He is, huh?
līll take a look. Bring him in.
līve seen worse.
Sir?
Weīre in a terrible rush.
Donīt rush me, sonny.
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
You got money?
Sixty-five.
l never worked for so little...
except once, and that was a very noble cause.
This is noble, sir.
His wife is crippled.
His children are on the brink of starvation.
Are you a rotten liar!
l need him to help avenge my father...
murdered these twenty years.
Your first story was better. Whereīs that bellows?
He probably owes you money, huh? Well, līll ask him.
Heīs dead. He canīt talk.
Look who knows so much, huh?
lt just so happens your friend is only mostly dead.
Thereīs a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.
Please open his mouth.
Now, mostly dead is slightly alive.
Now, all dead... well, with all dead...
thereīs usually only one thing that you can do.
Whatīs that?
Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Hello in there!
Whatīs so important?
What you got here thatīs worth living for?
Tr-u-u-ue lo-o-o-ove.
True love. You heard him?
You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Hey, sonny...
true love is the greatest thing in the world...
except for a nice M.L.T.--
mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich--
when the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.
Theyīre so perky. l love that.
But thatīs not what he said.
He distinctly said, ``To bl-a-a-ave.``
And as we all know, to blave means to bluff, huh?
So you were probably playing cards, and he cheated--
Liar!
Get back, witch!
līm not a witch! līm your wife!
But after what you just said...
līm not even sure l want to be that anymore!
You never had it so good.
He said true love, Max.
Donīt say another word, Valerie!
Heīs afraid.
Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him...
his confidence is shattered.
Whyīd you say that name?
You promised me that you would never say that name!
What? Humperdinck?
līm not listening!
A life expiring...
and you donīt have the decency to say why you wonīt help!
-Nobodyīs hearing nothing! -Humperdinck!
This is Buttercupīs true love.
lf you heal him, he will stop Humperdinckīs wedding.
Shut up! Wait a minute.
l make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Humiliations galore!
That is a noble cause.
Give me the sixty-five. līm on the job.
Thatīs a miracle pill?
The chocolate coating makes it go down easier...
but you have to wait 15 minutes for full potency...
and you shouldnīt go swimming for at least, what?
-An hour. A good hour. -Yeah, an hour.
Thank you for everything.
Bye-bye, boys.
Have fun storming the castle.
Think itīll work?
lt would take a miracle.
Anything?
lnigo, thereīs more than thirty.
Whatīs the difference?
Weīve got him.
Help me here.
Weīll have to force-feed him.
Has it been fifteen minutes?
We canīt wait. The weddingīs in half an hour.
We must strike in the hustle and bustle beforehand.
Tilt his head back.
Open his mouth.
How long do we have to wait...
before if we know the miracle works?
Your guess is as good as mine.
līll beat you apart! līll take you both together!
l guess not very long.
Why wonīt my arms move?
Youīve been mostly dead all day.
We had Miracle Max make a pill to bring you back.
Who are you?
Are we enemies?
Why am l on this wall?
Whereīs Buttercup?
Let me explain.
No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Buttercupīs marrying Humperdinck in less than half an hour...
so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding...
steal the princess, make our escape...
after l kill Count Rugen.
That doesnīt leave much time for dilly-dallying.
You just wiggled your finger!
Thatīs wonderful!
līve always been a quick healer.
What are our liabilities?
There is but one working castle gate.
Come on.
And it is guarded by sixty men.
And our assets?
Your brains, Fezzikīs strength, my steel.
Thatīs it?
lmpossible.
lf l had a month to plan...
maybe l could come up with something, but this...
You just shook your head!
That doesnīt make you happy?
My brains, his steel...
and your strength against sixty men...
and a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?
lf we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Where did we put the wheelbarrow the albino had?
Over the albino, l think.
Why didnīt you list that among our assets in the first place?
What l wouldnīt give for a holocaust cloak.
There we cannot help you.
Will this do?
-Where did you get that? -At Miracle Maxīs.
lt fit so nice, he said l could keep it.
All right. Come on, help me up.
līll need a sword eventually.
Why? You canīt even lift one.
True, but thatīs hardly common knowledge, is it?
Thank you.
There may be problems once weīre inside.
līll say. How do l find the count?
Once l do, how do l find you again?
Once l find you again, how do we escape?
Donīt pester him.
Heīs had a hard day.
Right, right. Sorry.
-lnigo. -What?
l hope we win.
You donīt seem excited, my little muffin.
Should l be?
Brides often are, līm told.
l do not marry tonight.
My Westley will save me.
Marriage...
Marriage is what brings us together...today.
Marriage...
that blessed arrangement...
that dream within a dream...
Stand your ground, men!
l am the Dread Pirate Roberts.
There will be no survivor!
-Now? -Not yet.
My men are here.
l am here...
but soon you will not be here.
-Now? -Light him.
The Dread Pirate Roberts...
takes no survivors.
All your worst nightmares...
are about to come true.
Then love...
true love...
will follow you...
forever.
The Dread Pirate Roberts...
is here for your souls!
Stay where you are!
Fight!
Stay where you are!
So treasure your love.
Skip to the end.
Have you the ring?
Here comes my Westley now.
Fezzik, the portcullis!
Your Westley is dead.
l killed him myself.
Then why is there fear behind your eyes?
Give us the gate key.
l have no gate key.
Fezzik, tear his arms off.
You mean this gate key?
...and do you, Princess Buttercup...
Man and wife! Say man and wife!
Man and wife.
Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite.
līll be there shortly.
He didnīt come.
Kill the dark one and the giant...
but leave the third for questioning.
My name is lnigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
l need you!
l canīt leave him alone.
Heīs getting away from me, Fezzik!
Please!
līll be right back.
Thank you.
Strange wedding.
Yes...a very strange wedding.
Come along.
What was that for?
Because youīve always been so kind to me.
And l wonīt be seeing you again...
since līm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
Wonīt that be nice?
She kissed me!
Sorry, Father.
l tried.
You must be that little Spanish brat...
l taught a lesson to all those years ago.
Simply incredible.
Have you been chasing me your whole life...
only to fail now?
l think thatīs the worst thing līve ever heard.
How marvelous.
Thereīs a shortage of perfect breasts in this world.
lt would be a pity to damage yours.
Oh, Westley, darling!
Westley, why wonīt you hold me?
Gently.
At a time like this...
thatīs all you can think to say, gently?
Gently!
Good heavens, are you still trying to win?
Youīve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.
ltīs going to get you into trouble someday.
My name is lnigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
My name is lnigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
Hello! My name is lnigo Montoya.
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Stop saying that!
Hello! My name is lnigo Montoya!
You killed my father!
Prepare to die!
Offer me money.
Power, too, promise me that.
All that l have and more, please.
Offer me everything l ask for.
Anything you want.
l want my father back, you son of a bitch!
Westley, will you ever forgive me?
What hideous sin have you committed lately?
l got married. l didnīt want to. lt all happened so fast.
lt never happened. lt never happened.
But it did. l was there.
This old man said man and wife.
Did you say l do?
We sort of skipped that part.
Then youīre not married.
lf you didnīt say it, you didnīt do it.
Wouldnīt you agree, Your Highness?
A technicality that will shortly be remedied.
But first things first.
To the death.
To the pain.
l donīt think līm quite familiar with that phrase.
līll explain...
and līll use small words so that youīll be sure to understand...
you warthog-faced buffoon.
That may be the first time in my life...
a man has dared insult me.
lt wonīt be the last.
To the pain means the first thing you lose...
will be your feet below the ankles...
then your hands at the wrists...
next your nose.
And then my tongue, l suppose.
l killed you too quickly the last time...
a mistake l donīt mean to duplicate tonight.
l wasnīt finished.
The next thing you lose will be your left eye, then your right.
And then my ears. l understand! Letīs get on with it!
Wrong! Your ears you keep, and līll tell you why...
so every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness...
will be yours to cherish.
Every babe that weeps at your approach...
every woman who cries out, ``God, what is that thing``...
will echo in your perfect ears.
That is what ``to the pain`` means.
lt means l leave you in anguish...
wallowing in freakish misery forever.
l think youīre bluffing.
ltīs possible, pig!
l might be bluffing.
ltīs conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass...
līm only lying here because l lack the strength to stand.
Then again...
perhaps l have the strength after all.
Drop your sword.
Have a seat.
Tie him up.
Make it as tight as you like.
Whereīs Fezzik?
l thought he was with you.
ln that case--
Help him.
Why does Westley need helping?
Because he has no strength.
l knew you were bluffing! l knew he was bluffing.
-Shall l dispatch him for you? -Thank you, but no.
Whatever happens to us...
l want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardice.
lnigo, where are you?
There you are.
lnigo, l saw the princeīs stables...
and there they were, four white horses.
And l thought, there are four of us...
if we ever find the lady.
Hello, lady.
So l took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other.
l guess we just did.
You did something right.
Donīt worry. l wonīt let it go to my head.
You know...
itīs very strange.
l have been in the revenge business so long...
now that itīs over...
l donīt know what to do with the rest of my life.
Have you ever considered piracy?
Youīd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
They rode to freedom.
And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe.
A wave of love swept over them.
And as they reached for each other...
What? What?
ltīs kissing again. You donīt want to hear that.
l donīt mind so much.
Since the invention of the kiss...
there have been five kisses...
that were rated the most passionate...
the most pure.
This one left them all behind.
The end.
Now l think you ought to go to sleep.
All right.
So long.
Grandpa...
maybe you could come over...
and read it again to me tomorrow.
As you wish.